| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2009|04:09 am] |
I think I'm having some kind of dumb existential crisis. Boo.
I dunno, sometimes I just don't want to exist. Whatever.
Sleep is harder to come by than usual.
Maybe I need to start writing more again.
Or maybe I should try to get into a relationship with a girl again.
It's been a while.
Not like it would help.
This is dumb. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 23rd, 2009|06:10 am] |
I was walking up a sand drive way, and it turned into mattresses, and the mattresses were falling and I was with Nate, then we stacked the falling mattresses.
This is it.
This is my dumb head.
These dreams terrify me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2009|04:57 am] |
It is four fifty seven in the morning, I am listening to music, and writing a paper. Brennan, I found out why I don't believe in objectivism, it's because I have yet to come to the belief that humans all want the same thing. Or rather, if they do want the same thing, it's manifested in ways so completely incompatible it seems illfitting to call them the same, though they may indeed be inseparable.
It is -20c outside, it is dark, I have at least twenty-four books on my desk, a deck of pinochle cards, and a harmonica. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2009|01:31 am] |
She dances to 80s music.
She wears spandex.
She doesn't seem to care what others think.
She thinks I'm cool?
She is weird.
She is fun.
She would like an adventure.
And I like her.
She has a boyfriend.
I am lame.
I don't like this.
-Random note found on the side of Broad Street. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 24th, 2009|10:28 am] |
I am sitting in a briefing room of a resort with Brennan. There is a friendly woman explaining the use of a couple of instruments to us. She is telling us how to operate a couple of flying machines, a couple of machines we'll attach to our backs. She is gorgeous, she is the Madonna, she is the fine arches of cheeks and quiet eyes. She finishes telling us how the machines are used, and Brennan and I leave the small resort in the mountains to find myself with a man in army fatigues near a water filled crater with all the colors between brown and black. There is the remains of a large ship at one end of the crater, and the man in fatigues is telling me how it happened, but I can't quite here him. I'm flying, it feels fantastic, and that is mostly what I focus on. We land near the ship and he sighs. I look into the water and a monstrous growth rises from it. It doesn't do anything, and the man I and leave. I am back in the resort, alone with the woman, and I want to touch her, and she wants to touch me, but we don't. We sit there in soft light talking and making passes at each other that seem to be shot down by other people. There is a knock at the door and I open it to find Adam standing there, telling me it's time to go to work. We walk outside of resort to find ourselves, Adam, Ryan, and I, at my parents soon to be old shop. We walk towards a trailer and I see a streak of blood across one of their sides. I disregard it for whatever reason. When we open the trailer, it is dark, so I take out a flashlight. We walk down it a little to find half a human body, but it is alive. It seems to be getting some sort of sexual gratification by rubbing its bloody stump of a body on the metal grating. He get's angry, he yells at us that he would like a little privacy. I'm shocked, I leave the trailer only a beat after Ryan and Adam. We, still Ryan, Adam, and I, but also with Aaron, Callie, a girl I met last night named Bridget, and someone else I can't place are in Ryan's house, in his dining room. The walls are filled with writing, and we are all scarred of the new craze in which killing yourself slowly and painfully results in tremendous sexual pleasure. There are people surrounding the house, grinding down their bodies, and we are inside and scared. Ryan goes upstairs and goes to sleep. I go upstairs to where his room should be only to find a police officer shooting someone who's already been grinding themselves down to nothing. He then turns the gun on himself. I hear a yell from the other direction and someone is complaining about what Ryan's done. I walk to where they are to find him doing nothing and that the person was just afraid that Ryan was going to do something, we all laugh. The gorgeous woman from the resort shows up and tells me she wants to get married. I wake up.
What the hell dreams? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 24th, 2009|02:20 am] |
She, slanking slowly south
will take my palm
rub off the rougher edges
take off the broken skin
in the softness of
the space between
her neck and chin.
And she, will glow
will grow
will sow
will low
will go
will tow
will know.
Yes- -that is it.
She, will know.
And I will know it is love
because I will feel it
in the space
underneath my arm. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2009|10:39 am] |
Nothing left to do but pack this up. Nothing left to do but pack this up.
Thank you winter break, you reminded me and I had forgotten for a while, but I remember again. Adam said something this break that I must remember. "I'm not myself anymore, I am us. I have your stories and Ryan's and Brian's and you all have mine, and we own each other." Who ever wanted to be just one person?
Nothing left to do but pack this up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2009|12:08 pm] |
List of things to do in the New Year that are not necessarily resolutions but could seem as such to those who wish to categorize them as such:
Write a book.
Write a book of poetry.
Write a book of short stories.
Bike.
Bike a lot.
Bike more.
Yell more.
Climb trees.
Fall out of trees.
Climb trees again.
Read books.
Watch movies.
Make a movie.
Take pictures.
Learn photo history.
Learn guitar.
Play guitar.
Play a show.
Work.
Yell more.
Carve something out of wood.
Fall in love.
Fall out of love.
Talk.
Remember everything.
Talk with old friends.
Talk with new friends.
Talk with people I don't know.
Be open.
Yell more.
Believe in nothing.
Believe in anything.
Don't argue with Brennan at all.
Laugh.
Laugh a lot.
Tell jokes.
Wake up like a gunshot in the midst of chaos and remember that I am alive god damn it and dying is awesome because it makes things worth something and mortality is the best thing in the world because it is and I never wanted to live forever anyway.
Yell more.
Guys, nothing has changed. This is what I have decided. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2008|01:33 pm] |
I hate that stupid ball. It's fucking stupid. It's big and it's shiny and it descends a pole. We'd be better off with a stripper up there.
The year is gone. This was the year I was twenty and twenty one. Life is getting strange. The string of events my life takes seems ever expanding, mirrors parallel and I wonder, if it's to wonder, when do those light beams actually end. Never, I suppose. Sometimes I wonder if a light source were to be introduced into a room of all mirrors if it would ever get dark in there. As if the light could bounce forever, it would sustain itself as a moving force, the only moving force. This is, of course, nonsense.
2008 was a year. Things happened. I was happy. I was sad. I was confused. I was learned. I was impressed. I was angered. I was abandoned. I was. I think I'll take that and run with it. I hate to press the issue, but you're going to die one day. It's okay. In fact, it's wonderful. It's god damn beautiful and you know it and you can't wait to find out what happens, you just hope it doesn't hurt and it doesn't happen until you're good and old and can't jump off of rocks or drink till you see three images for every one in your field of view without waking up with a headache and throwing up blood.
Sometimes I think there's nothing I can forget. Not one thing. Every night is a story to be told or remembered. These anecdotes are why I breath. I've never wanted anything other than a moment of your time and to tell you a story. The stories are different, and I don't want you to expect anything much of them. I think that would be folly. They are just stories. Sometimes I think that I have to know what I mean, but then if I knew what I mean and always said what I meant then I don't think I would ever be able to say anything new.
Two days ago Aaron and I decided to follow the street signs for the Connecticut Wine Tour. We wound up at a Winery in Brookfield or Newtown. I don't forget, I just never knew. An older lady worked there, came out of a small building to the side of the one filled with wine bottles. She was knowledgeable, but seemed to be a bit reserved. Me in my blue and black flannel and Aaron in his big boarding jacket hardly seemed the type to her, you could hear it in her voice, see it in the calmness of her folded hands. We didn't stay long. Neither of us would like to spend fifteen dollars on a bottle of wine.
I took a left out of the parking lot. I knew what was to the right and that bored me. We wound up in a Culdesac with a small path running up over a ridge. There were two signs posted, one informing people that use of motorized vehicles was not allowed and the other saying that it was a place for bow hunting only.
The sun was setting and it wasn't too windy. The sky was blue. No, the sky wasn't just blue. It was also red. It was orange. It was yellow. It was clear and strong and it silhouetted those old style windmills, the small ones built on shaky frames of wood that seem to have offered a use at some time, but that time is gone and you'd have to read a book written by someone older than you to figure it out. That place, there was a bench and a tree and tall grass and deer pellets everywhere. You could see over houses, you could feel the slight damp of the mud under your shoes, and you could run if you wanted to. I wanted to. I didn't. The sun sank slowly, it has that tendency in the winter. I would have stayed there till the light left the sky, but Adam wanted us to pick him up.
Ryan Greg and I went Duck Pin Bowling a couple of weeks ago. It was fantastic. I want to do that every day of my life. I could enjoy that. I could get into it. I could be happy with that.
I hung out with Marie Peak for the first time in a very long time the other day. I told her a lot of things I don't talk to anybody about. About the fact that I think about all my lovers, no matter what the length or expectations of the relationship, every day. I miss people, I'm nostalgic about everything, I never want to forget anything. Andrew said that it's thought that we forget as a process of continuity. If we remembered everything we'd be bogged down. Damn it, bog me down. I want to be the log soaked so thoroughly with water that in the winter it expands and busts open.
Somewhere in this was supposed to be something about the year passing. Something, perhaps, about transformation. But to everything there is a season, to every season there are phases, and to each phase a transition. So the finger the hand the arm the torso the body you? When does something start being more than just a part of you. Are we more or less then our sums? All I have are questions. My answers are questions, my questions are questions, and my solution is none different. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2008|04:10 am] |
It is late or early, depending on how you want to look at it. Either way, this is not the first time I've seen a four in the morning. It is likely that it won't be the last either. That is fine. Rather, that is, and what is is. I've read before that what is is right, but I'm not too certain about that, cause that would mean that genocide is right, and maybe it is, but I don't know that I can be that cynical.
My, that got to a place I didn't intend rather quickly. I don't know what I'm trying to write in here, I'm fairly certain I don't want to talk about that though.
Through force, that is to say as I've been forced to, I've started writing more poetry. I've finally realized how clumsy I am with words and phrases. It's odd, to understand that when I analyze a poem I'm looking for the most minute god damn thing, a (seemingly) misplaced comma, what the image really says (or tries to), why certain words are chosen, and yet, when I approach it myself, the same careful attention that was present in my attempt to understand another person's words is gone. Perhaps I assume that I know what I mean beyond my careful and constant attention.
Maybe I'm awake because I had coffee today, a cup and a half, and I felt out of it. I didn't feel like me, I felt aloof. I picture the coming summer, I pictured Ryan and I apart from the rest of us in some bodunk town south of nowhere California trying to write a song for the rest of the group to sing. I saw it, I was able to play better by then. Our hands were ragged, our bodies were constantly hungry, and we were weary with weeks of no beds to speak of, but we were happy finally.
I don't know what any of this means. I'm not talking about this post. I mean I think I know what this means from time to time, but I come back to it in the late hours of night and none of it makes sense. I feel like I've walked into a movie near the end. Maybe what I saw was poignant, but I have no way of knowing, it is only an end and an end means about shit without a beginning.
I miss everyone so much, I didn't know I could. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2008|01:18 pm] |
So this is the time I vainly attempt to encapsulate the past three months in a single and oppressively sized update.
When it starts, everyone is home and I've left school as early as possible because I don't want to miss anyone.
Adam is the first to leave, and he heads for North Carolina.
We continue to do things as quickly and recklessly as we can.
My 21st birthday comes and goes, and Stefano buys me a sixpack of smirnoff ice to finish that effectively puts me into a sugar coma.
The next day is the great Danbury American Pub Crawl of Danbury with Aaron and Donegan. Andrew swings through for the last leg, we head to Pippa's for my first drink with my parents, and then onward to Kabuki's for Karaoke and me embarrassing myself the best I can. Aaron, Donegan, Ryan, Andrew, Kate, Anthony, and Nicole, I think.
Three days later my house catches fire.
Sean Walsh introduces me to a girl, and I'm interested. We go on a couple of dates before I lost interest, or more apt, felt like she was mostly just to cool for me. Admittedly, dumb. But things don't end until after we go on a date to Panchos and Gringos, followed by the Danbury Carnival, and then lastly, Danny Casazza birthday party at Horizons, or maybe it was Icon, I cannot remember. Also, there was a night of Drunken tomfoolery in the hotel that I lived in with Rock Band and Tim & Eric Awesome Show.
This is where I lose the syntax of summer, and in interest of making sure I get to the things that I feel are truly important, I will actively skip around.
Brian and I go to a place across from John Read Middle School in Redding with my little brother. It is a good walk and a good day, and we are looking for a place from which to jump into water that was previously rumored to exist in that location. We found it, and as it turns out, it is an excellent place for jumping into water.
One night Ryan, Sean, Dave, and Jenny are passengers in my car, we travel to a place for a party in the middle of the woods in the middle of the night. We travel with a shitty led flashlight from my parents shop and cellphone light. We arrive, and I talk with girls about Bright Eyes because I'm obviously that kind of guy, while Sean tries to talk to the girl with whom he's smitten. We leave after a half an hour, and then we head to a party that Fred Hoffstaetter has invited myself, and therefore those who're in tow, to. It is a time that is good, and enjoyed.
There is another night that is spent with Ryan, Brian, and Steve, and also Alyssa, Ari, Marissa, and Nicky, though Nicky left early. We wound up in the Wooster field, and we arranged the fence of the baseball outfield such that it said 'BALLS', but not without arguing over whether it ought to be BALLS or BALLZ. They both would wind up doing, but we went with the former.
Kate and I went to see I Am The Avalanche, and in so doing revive my enjoyment of shows and my love for live music. I become certain that I want to make music and play it, thus the later purchase of Greg Sorensen's acoustic guitar.
Loyafest '08 was the type of mind killing fun it always seems to be. I lost my shirt to the rules, my consciousness to the drugs, and probably some other things too.
During the few weeks we lived in the hotel, there was a day that Aaron came over and we drank all day, went swimming in the hotel pool, and then Aaron left a little after Donegan and Chelsea showed up, and we drank a bit more, and then we went for a swim again, and then we took a shower together in all our clthing, but it still was awkward. Then Ryan showed up and we attempted to finish all the Bud Light that had been traveling around since before my birthday. We played gin and talked, and at the end, while the beer seemed to be skunking as we drank it, I attempted to name all the girls I've kissed. It did not go well.
Aaron, Greg, Kate, and I went to a park in Bethel. It ended in Greg and I hugging shirtless on top of a wooden playground roof, spinning in a tire swing until I felt physically altered, lightning bugs, a small animal that we weren't able to name or truly know what it was, and swings.
Aaron and I visited Jes in Watertown one night, we went to a bar and watched a shitty band play and Mike Palmer showed up. It was a good time despite the bad music, and we more or less just spent a couple of hours simply talking.
On Ryan's birthday, we had intended to go to Boston Billiards, but since we had friends who were underage we went to Buster's. Pool and ping pong, the latter of the two was probably better, or at the least, I enjoyed it more. It wasn't quite what I was expecting of Ryan's birthday, but it was fun.
Ryan and I drove down to North Carolina to visit Adam. We left on a Friday night and returned late Sunday. We weren't there for a full day before Ryan was given a ticket from the police. Up until that point, the party had been fun, and then we returned to Aileen's house, where we were staying. We left the next day.
The second time I went down to North Carolina was by myself after a sixteen and a half hour shift. I drove for ten hours straight. I got there in time to hit up the last two bars of the night, and then we got Denny's, and then we played Yahtzee, and then we slept. The next day we played Yahtzee again, and we ate Papa John's and then went to Aileen's place of work, a sushi bar named Joel's, and ate free sushi and drank free alcohol. We made a fire that night, and we left the next day. On the way back, Adam and I stopped in two places to swim. And we stopped once in Pennsylvania for gas.
This is where the summer seems to reveal itself mostly in order again.
Adam and I worked at my parents shop for a couple of weeks, working hard and sweating in the afternoon sun. I remember most everything about the days, but out of interest of moving forward in this, I'll leave it be as that.
Maybe the best day of the summer, I'm not sure, but Adam and I worked at the shop. Afterwards, we went and picked up Brian and headed for the jumping spot that we had found earlier that summer. On the way there we joked and laughed and were happy, and then we jumped off those rocks into the water and it felt good and cold, and then we just laughed and joked more and more. After the rocks, we went to Ryan's house where we played the most bizarre game of Monopoly ever unrecorded with Ryan, Brian, Adam, Steve, Aerin, and Callie, ending with Adam and I soaking wet in our boxers in my car, myself sitting and him upside down, and all we could do was laugh, and myself giving people lap dances, and then skinny dipping. It was a night of absolutely ridiculous activity.
Brian, Ryan, Adam, Steve, and I go to Safe To Swim Weekend to watch Kiss Kiss and wind up catching the end of a band called The Gay Blades. I wound up running into Michelle Stabille and another friend Jess Whalen. We end up going to Jess' house for a night of not so drunken debauchery. On our way there, we follow Jess' crazy friend who drives a terribly pollutant Wrangler, and we leave at around three in the morning. The next day Brian and I return to Safe to Swim Weekend to catch more music. We run into Jess again, as well as a whole slew of the Bethel Crew. I catch three bands that stop me in my tracks, Sarianna and the Swell, Chewing Pics, and a third that has escaped me. Kyle invites us to his house for a party, Brain, Adam and I go. I spend the better part of the night talking to a girl named Kristina, a friend of Jess. We make out a little, then I drive Adam, Brain, Jess, Kristina, and Jess' boyfriend Bob home. It was a pretty good night.
Stefano and I went to Pittsburgh to pick up his girlfriend Sam. We wound up staying the night and going to a party. It was silly and fun, and on the way back the next day, I was told how Sam's best friend had become quite taken with me. Stefano, Sam, and I all laughed quite hard about that.
Another day, Adam and I went to either JFK or Laguardia to pick up Aileen. The trip there and back takes far longer than it ought to. We get Desert Moon when we return. The rest of the day has blanked for me.
Adam, Ryan, Brian, Aileen, and I go out for sushi, then Brain, Ryan, Steve, and I head to Loya's house to hang out and drink. We leave around one and go to New Holiday. We sing along to bad songs and dance the YMCA. We all laugh a lot.
Ryan, Brian, Steve, Adam, Aerin, and Callie are at Ryan's house when I show up for Adam's not so last stand, though that is what he we called it at the time. We drink hard and laugh harder and by now this summer has become obvious to me. I was happy. That is a weird thing for me to think, but I'm certain it's true. Callie crawling backwards barfing, Steve lamenting the lack of boys, and more.
I head Down to New Haven to hang out with Tessa and Sara. I get there and Sara and I go out to dinner after a little while with her friend and soon to be roommate Dale. We get sushi at a place called Miya's. Then we wait for Tessa to get out of work and hang out at their apartment. We head to a bar called Rudy's, it is damn cool. We all wind up drunk, and eventually we wind up back at the apartment. Tessa is throwing up and Sara and I are dancing to music in her room. The night ends well. The next day Sara heads to doctor's appointments so Tessa and I go for breakfast at a place called ME N U. There is a friendly Asian man there, and he asks us if we are happy with our meals, and that makes me happy. We head to the mall so Tessa can get a dress for an engagement party. We then head back to the apartment, Sara picks us up and we head to Lovecraft Tattoo. Sara is going to talk about the next tattoo she wants, and Tessa and I tag along. Afterwards, we head back to the apartment and Tessa has to finish an essay. Sara and I watch movies on the computer in her room, and then we just hang out and listen to Devendra Banhart. Tessa goes out on a date with a guy for free seafood and I take Sara in my car to a parking lot to try to teach her how to drive standard. She tries twice before stopping for fear of breaking my car, even though I insist that she has nothing to worry about. We sit in a school parking lot that is more of a playground than anything and try to name all the fifty states on the painted map. Then we sit on it and talk in the waining sunlight before leaving when a car stops near us and starts to roll down their windows. We head back to the apartment and watch funny things on the internet. Tessa comes back, they get ready and I take a shower and then we head back to Rudy's. We are there are short time before leaving for some party. It's at a large house with Staind and DMB playing, I'm not a fan. I talk with a girl who's name I've forgotten about the fundamental point of focus in a life and how it ought to be happiness, and then we dance and then it is five in the morning and we get back to the apartment and I sleep for a couple of hours before saying bye to Tessa and then Sara and hit the road for home.
Adam was home again, and that night we drank a lot of wine and beer while playing Apples to Apples and speed quarters and beer pong. It is a good night, and once again Steve, Adam, Brian, Ryan, Aerin, and I had a good time.
I wake early the next day and head for Boston. I get in around three and meet up with Andrew around four. We head to Best Buy so he can buy a far too expensive TV. Then we walk around a little, get some Vietnamese food, and go to a bar called Bukowski's. Then we get beer and return to Andrew's apartment to drink more. After a while I sleep on the floor.
Andrew and I go out for breakfast and then walk around North Boston for a couple of hours. After that I take him, Dan, and Becca to Stop and Shop so they can get groceries. We hang out for a while before Andrew's date. I head to the other side of Boston to hang out with Jes. I get there a little early so I sit down and write her a poem to pass the time. She shows up and gives me food and than we talk for a while, and then we go get some coffee and talk, and then we return to her apartment and continue to talk. I finally, though just briefly, meet her boyfriend Phil, and I get to see her artwork in person, as well as his. I leave shortly after meeting him and catch the T back to Airport for my car. On the ride home, I try to get on to the Mass Turnpike, but all entrances I encounter seem to be shut off. So instead, I take 93 South to 95 South and drive for a couple of hours before pulling off once reaching CT to try to nap, but failing, continue on to my house. I get in at about five am.
This brings us to yesterday, which I spent with Sean Walsh and his room mate Greg. Eventually we hung out with Amber, and I was grateful, because while sitting in the parking lot at Panera Bread I got to apologize for being a douche a couple of months prior, and she apologizes too, though I don't see why. We continue to hang out, Sean, Amber, Greg, and I. After I drop them all off, I pick up Brian and we head to Terrywile. We talk till around one. The night is beautiful and I am confirmed in my thoughts that Brian is a terribly intelligent kid. Then we went to the exit ten diner and got too much food. Mary showed up, her one day in town, and it was incredibly chance.
So now, here I am, writing, and not with my friends. But that will change. And tomorrow I'll head to Plattsburgh, and after that I will head over to Syracuse. And I wish I could live like this all the time, I guess that's what I'm saying. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2008|11:32 pm] |
I want only
A place to speak
where the music can
clank around like
the rusty metal cans
in the basement of
my seven-year-old
House
And the light is
tinted yellow like
the phosphorus bulbs
that would line the
streets on which I
rode my thirteen-year-old
Bike
And the only air fresheners
are the perfumes of
the girls I've tried
to love, their cigarette
breath, the sweat of
their breast, and
the dirty clothes
they would leave on
the floor, those I
would pick up with
my nineteen-year-old
Hands.
The hours are always
and the cost is free
and it isn't perfect
because we aren't
because you will still die
because the crop will grow
because I need to remember.
Forgetting scares
me to death. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2008|11:29 pm] |
There are times
and they are frequent
where I simply must be in motion.
It is the cost of living,
it is the friction in my footsteps,
it is the breath in my chest,
and the air.
God the air is sweet,
But what is happening to me? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2008|02:14 am] |
A twelve hour shift turn into a sixteen and a half hour shift.
Arriving at nine at the latest turned into arriving at twelve thirty.
A beer in a place called Vinnie's Raw Bar.
A beer, two jager bombs, a conversation about Andy Dick in a place called Big Al's.
Yahtzee with a good friend,a friend, and a british guy who was celebrating his birthday.
Two hours of sleep.
Undeclared.
Yahtzee tournament.
Bringing Shadow to dog school and getting my car.
Reading Anna Karenina and drinking coffee at a place called Caribou Coffee.
Criss Angle and a nap.
Tequila and sushi at a place called Joel's.
Graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate gotten at a store I can't remember.
Jager bomb at Big Al's with just Adam this time.
Collecting wood to make a fire on a deck.
Smores and a phone conversation with Aaron Katz.
A picture message of Aaron's pee stream.
Putting out the fire.
Sleep.
Undeclared for half an hour.
Packing and leaving.
Joel's to say good bye to Aileen.
Road.
Panther falls, a long dusty gravel road.
Swimming, a little jumping, a lot of feeling free.
Dry off, car.
Road.
Blue Hole, this one was in Virgina, not New York like the other Blue Hole.
A sixty foot jump off a tree on a cliff into six foot deep water.
A bruised heel.
A story.
A huge spider and Adam's and my attempt to kill it from far with rocks.
Dressed.
Road.
Gas station, a fat blond woman popping plastic bags.
Road.
Adam's house.
He unpacks, he says hi to his mom.
He his home.
Road.
I am at a house.
And my heel hurts. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2008|07:32 pm] |
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I want to make one thing clear. I am not upset that music can say more than writing can. Music is holy, writing is human. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2008|03:50 pm] |
These stories
They're all I have
and they mean nothing to me
just wasted time
misused trees
and a sense of understanding
that is quickly
and ruthlessly replaced.
These stories
They bore me
to this point
and put the weight
in my steps that
clonk with hollow noise and
bounce around an empty room
looking for some surface
that isn't flat
to bounce off.
These stories
They feel full at first
but empty over
reservoir rocks and lake water.
Driftwood spins when
you stand on it
and it won't be there
when the next winter is gone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 29th, 2008|12:00 am] |
I wanted to say something.
Something about the wind
because it was blowing
and you were wearing a dress
that was not red. And those
ugly pumps that took the
place of your flat soled
shoes you would wear
in my back yard when I touched
you, and you sighed or
moaned. You laughed when
I would look you in the
eyes. I tried to be serious
and you tried to care and
my mother tried not to
notice and your father
tried not to be angry.
I wanted to say something
but the wind blows harder
now and you try to be serious
about your father who doesn't
seem to notice my mother's anger.
I wanted to say something
but the wind blew
and I didn't care. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2008|08:10 am] |
All my heroes are dying.
Don't rest in peace George, you wouldn't want that anyway. |
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